


❊ Misery Loves Buffy ❊

by Mythstaken



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:34:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25191730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mythstaken/pseuds/Mythstaken
Summary: The greatest fight of Buffy's life? Herself.
Kudos: 3





	❊ Misery Loves Buffy ❊

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇

“In the end, you’re always by yourself. You’re all you’ve got. That's the point.”

Loneliness has a way of creeping up on you.

It isn’t obnoxious in the way it intrudes, letting everyone know of its presence in a manner that seems hungry for attention. Instead it comes with gentle feet, a soft plow taking Buffy by surprise because there is no reason for her to feel lonely.

She's among a group of people she calls my own, relaxed bodies and conversations, an inside joke shared at one another’s expense. It is comfortable and calm, and for once, she is not on alert. Her body doesn’t have to prepare for the blow from a monster it can’t see.

There are no monsters.

Instead, loneliness comes and holds her hand and lets her know that she is not alone... but she will always be. Loneliness has an air of seduction, almost a lull the way it wraps around her in a blanket, sowing the seeds of insecurity in her chest where the warmth used to bloom, replacing the light and casting shadows of doubt.

It tells her that she is safe with it, that it is the only one who understands her. That the people around her? They won’t ever know her the way that it knows her, the way it has always known her in its various forms. It caresses skin, a vicious lover, and forms invisible bruises when it suddenly grips her in a chokehold that leaves her blindsided and struggling to breathe.

Suddenly there is no air and she tries to get those thoughts out of her head, but Buffy has succumbed to the draw of its wicked games, becoming a playing piece on its board — a game whose rules changed everyday.

There was never a winner.

Loneliness whispers in her ear, its enchantingly convincing words trying to sprout from the seeds, latching its roots to her insides.

“ _These people? They’ll never know what it is like to be you. No one will ever know what it is like to be you. No one knows of the sacrifices and sad smiles, the way bones feel heavy in their skin. No one knows about the tiredness that aches or the way it feels when everyone is looking to you and only you. They could say they understand, but it is like you are trapped in a snow globe, and all they can do was admire how pretty the scene looked without understanding how, with a slip of a finger, with one wrong move, the glass would break._ ”

No one understood what it felt like to be Chosen. To be given a title that held the weight of the world on fragile shoulders that had dent after dent. No one understood what it felt like to feel as though everything that was human inside of her, everything that made her feel was slowly starting to harden.

_To turn into stone._

It was the same air of loneliness that brought along its friend, sprinkling in thoughts of insecurity with a voice that is all too nefarious as it spoke to her.

_“_ _Your friends? You are only good to them because of what you have to offer. You think you’re done baking? He’ll walk away, too. You’re not special. You’re too difficult. You think you can keep your sister safe forever? You know you’re going to slip. You know that you all it is going to take is a moment, a second and it will be done. Just like that. You’ll disappoint everyone who was counting on you.”_

Insecurities would take over, fighting for the space loneliness created, building a hollow ache in her chest. It would feel like Buffy was drowning for hours on end, thoughts a dark web that kept spinning and spinning. Smiles became forced, emotions became subdued and instead of latching, she became distant.

Some things were too important to lose. Some things required her to distance herself for the greater good. Hadn’t she been built upon the entire premise of sacrifice?

Misery loved company. Company loved loneliness. Most times she would fight it off.

Sometimes...

... she let it win.

Maybe loneliness needed her company, just as much she needed it.


End file.
